Lately I’ve noticed an uptick in social media posts by people with hearing loss who write about feeling unseen and unheard.
Stories about all the moments, small and large, in which they are excluded from communication with others because of not being able to hear. The impact can be powerful, suppressing the strength or courage to speak up and create inclusion.
And that’s where it stops, too often, for too many reasons, for too many people; they stay physically present in a conversation, while emotionally sitting on the sidelines, in the communication wasteland.
Reading these posts pangs me, because I have experienced the same disconnects countless times in my life with hearing loss. The conversation spirals beyond my ability to keep up or understand. Background noise obliterates comprehension. People forget my needs in the moment – they turn away as they speak, or the words shoot rapid-fire between members of the group, or their voices overlap into a stinking, acoustical mess.
It’s in those moments that I don’t feel seen, and I certainly don’t feel heard. Sometimes I let it go but usually I don’t, and it’s a conscious decision each time, based on how important I judge the moment or conversation to be.
For years, my byline on emails, posts and articles was: It’s not just about hearing. It’s about being heard.
We, the people with hearing loss, have the right to participate, to engage, to speak and listened to. But it starts with us. For the best possible communication, WE must let our needs be known. WE must remind people. If we stay silent in our hurt because, after all, the people in our lives should darn well know or always remember what we need, then we will be silent much of the time. That’s not what we want.
Being seen and being heard require a serious commitment to ourselves, a pledge that we will speak up for our needs. And we need to accept that, in the heat of the conversation, it’s extremely easy for people who don’t have hearing loss to forget about accessible communication. It’s not us they forget about, just the need to speak clearly, facing us and one at a time. When we understand this huge difference, it becomes easier to forgive them, no matter how much it hurts at the time.
If you have difficulty interjecting “could you face me” into the conversation, or “please repeat that”, talk to your hearing care professional for ideas on how to handle this communication issue. Read other resources such as my book with Shari Eberts, Hear & Beyond: Live Skillfully with Hearing Loss. Self-advocacy gets easier with practice, so practice with people you know.
When we do this, we will be heard and we will be seen. Our communication and mental health depend on it.
