Life with hearing loss can be chaotic and messy and, at times, just plain hard work.
Trying to sort out what was said and by whom is often an aerobic workout, complete with swiveling heads, waving arms and raised voices. In Finland on a Scandinavian speaking tour, I was sitting at dinner with a joyous group of new hearing loss friends. Suddenly, there was an urgent kerfuffle as Siw (pronounced See-v) tried to figure out what someone had said. I could neither hear nor understand what seemed to be a frantic conversation, with heads turning and voices coming from all directions. Finally, when everyone laughed and calmed down, I asked, What was it, what happened? Siw’s husband Roger said, Oh, Eivar just asked if anyone wanted a cup of coffee.
This simple question turned into a small storm of energy and time and confusion and repetition, not unusual at the hearing loss dinner table – or the hearing loss life.
The act of Trying to Understand requires a mental exertion that people with typical hearing loss don’t experience, and therefore may not understand or recognize in their family and friends with hearing loss. This extra effort is necessary to concentrate on what’s being said, interpret its meaning using cues such as speechreading, body language, and context, and to ask for repeats and/or verification. The emotions caused by our hearing loss are also strength-sapping. Anger, frustration, or sadness dig into our energy reserves and, conversely, when we are tired for any reason, we don’t ‘hear’ as well. This often-invisible effort is an extra layer in how we interact, and often leads to listening fatigue.
If a person with hearing loss decides against going out for dinner with friends, their given reason might be it’s too noisy or there will be too many people. These are common and valid reasons, but the unspoken message is that they simply don’t have the energy needed to navigate the event. It’s hard work and it’s easier to stay home.
On a lighter note, some years ago, I had an aha moment as to why I’ve always been reasonably slim: I expend a lot of energy in being the ‘one who goes.’ When someone over there says something indecipherable, I go over to them. When I hear a voice calling from another room, I go to the voice. Happily, once I became a hearing health advocate who stands up for herself, I’ve stopped much of the going, but I seem to have put on a bit of weight.
We can combat listening fatigue and keep our energy up in many ways, including the old-fashioned ones. Get enough sleep. Get enough exercise. Eat healthy food.
But we can also be prepared and proactive! We can adjust our listening environments to make it easier to interact with others. We can turn up the lights, turn down the noise and position ourselves to see clearly the people we need to see. Then we can ask those people to work with us, to become our true communication partners. We can also take breaks to give our eyes and ears a rest.
Yes, hearing loss can be hard work, but if we’re smart and use Hearing Hacks, we will communicate better and have more energy at the end of the day.
