Are you good at congratulating yourself? How often do you tell yourself, hey, I did that, Good for Me!
For better mental health, we need to pat ourselves on the back more often, especially for following through on a positive intention.
There are qualifications to this, however. If I beat my grandson at cribbage (which I just did), I could say yay me, I beat him, he went down, whoo hoo! But that’s not a particularly nice, grandmotherly sentiment. Now let’s say I’ve been losing to this kid repeatedly and don’t want to play him anymore because I know I’m not going to win. That’s not only another bad-granny vibe and poor gamesmanship, it’s a prime example of negativity bias.
In a recent mindfulness course, I learned that humans have evolved to be hardwired for self-protection. With this negativity bias we are wary of perceived threats, focusing on the negative emotions and experiences, and ignoring the positive aspects of a situation. This affects our relationships, activities, memory and decisions to avoid things that might harm us.
But tools such as the Good for Me (GFM) exercise help us to refocus on positivity. It involves intentional effort (no matter how small) and then recognizing its positive result with a silent but powerful GFM! When we keep practicing these intentional moments, our ability to see beyond the negativity builds. By saying good for me over and over again, we put our brain on notice that we’re moving forward with confidence.
I could decide, intentionally, to try something different in how I play the game, that might lead to a win (or not). This earns me not one GFM but two, by intentionally scaling down my competitiveness to simply enjoy playing cards with my grandson.
What is the GFM application for our lives with hearing loss? Shari Eberts and I, in our book Hear & Beyond: Live Skillfully with Hearing Loss, talk about the power of Mindshifts to help us look at our hearing loss in a new way. When we learn to respond more positively to communication barriers, we become more proactive in overcoming them. And when we do that, we can congratulate ourselves, thank ourselves, reward ourselves!
- My partner, once again, talked to me while walking away. Instead of calling out harshly, I used humor to remind him I can’t speechread the back of his head. Good for me!
- When the group conversation became difficult, I reminded everyone to, as much as possible, speak one at a time. Good for me!
- I realized I was in bluffing mode during a conversation. I did a mental, correct, became more present and asked for what I needed. Good for me!
- I recognize the impact of my hearing loss on the people closest to me – and I let them know that. Good for me!
- I ask for the music to be turned down in a restaurant. Good for me!
- I am open about my hearing loss in a work situation where, not that long ago, I would have kept silent. Good for me!
What other Good for Me do you have for yourself?
How else can you practice being grateful to yourself on your hearing loss journey?
