Yesterday, my tinnitus was bad. Loud and constant.
It roared and rolled, swooped and yelled, filling every corner of my cranium, wanting to escape to the outside world. I wish it could, so that people could better understand what I, and millions like me, go through.
Tinnitus isn’t painful, in the way that stubbing a toe hurts like heck or a paper cut makes us howl. The pain is emotional; it makes us anxious, frustrated and exhausted, even frightened, knowing there’s no pill or powder or gummy that can take the noise away. Science isn’t there yet, but they’re working on it. Research is going on worldwide and we can only wait.
Why did my usually loud-tinnitus turn LOUD?
All the usual suspects. I didn’t get enough (or any, to be honest) cardiovascular exercise in previous days. I hadn’t drunk enough water, which helps to dampen hyperacusis, and had drunk maybe a little too much rosé over the week. We have an ongoing houseful of summer guests, with a never-ending, multi-person conversation. And it was Canada Day, with its annual Very Loud Parade! So yes, the tinnitus was bad this past week.
But only when I paused to notice it.
But I didn’t pause often with so many other sights and sounds requiring my attention. When it intruded, I gave it only a calm moment of recognition…oh, that’s loud…or… hmm, not so bad…and then my mind moved on to something nicer.
I’m almost 10 years into my tinnitus journey. When the head noise first roared into my life, most likely related to my profound hearing loss, it was tough. I had trouble getting to sleep because the noise is worse when I take out my hearing devices. I would toss, turn and pound the pillow with worry – is this what the rest of my life is going to sound like?
I have learned the answer – yes and no. Yes, I will most likely always have tinnitus. And no, I won’t be shredded to pieces by its constant presence. As I write this, I am very aware of my head noise because it’s the topic. So, I just took a deep breath, in and out, and the tinnitus calmed briefly. In that moment, I had power and control over my tinnitus, even if just a bit. (I have reactive tinnitus, somatosensory tinnitus, hyperacusis, regular tinnitus – almost every type of head noise, except for pulsatile tinnitus, ain’t I lucky?)
I have learned ways to cope, a few of which I’ve mentioned here. After a bad day, I tell myself tomorrow, it will be better and it often is. Treat your body and mind with respect. Address the stress in your life with mindfulness meditation, quality sleep, and healthy eating.
And tomorrow, when someone asks hey, how’s your tinnitus today, you can say better, thanks or it’s still there – and then change the subject.
