February is the month of love!
Restaurants and shops decorate with pink and red hearts. Lovers exchange sweet cards and plan candlelit dinners. Pals organize Galentine’s Day events to celebrate the platonic love of friendship. Everywhere we look, expressions of love are on display.
But if you live with hearing loss — or love someone who does — you know that love isn’t just about romance. It’s about communication. It’s about patience. It’s about showing up again and again, even when it’s challenging.
Hearing Loss Heightens the Mechanics of Love
In many relationships, communication happens without much thought. Words flow easily. Joke punch lines land without effort. Stories are told in overlapping voices. But when you add hearing loss to the mix, communication suddenly requires intention.
We must face each other. Get attention before speaking. Communication partners will likely need to repeat, rephrase, or clarify.
It can feel like extra work. And it is. But in that extra work is often where love lives.
When someone turns toward you before speaking, they are saying, “You matter enough for me to make this easier.”
When they repeat themselves without irritation, they are saying, “Our connection is more important than my convenience.”
When they choose a quieter restaurant or agree to turn on captions without complaint, they are saying, “I want you fully here with me.”
That is love in action.
Hearing Loss and Frustration Often Go Hand-in-Hand
Hearing loss can be frustrating — for both sides of a relationship. The person with hearing loss may feel embarrassed, excluded, or exhausted from trying so hard to understand. The hearing partner may feel impatient or tired of repeating themselves. Misunderstandings happen. So do hurt feelings.
But beautiful things can happen, too.
When couples navigate hearing loss together, they often develop stronger communication habits than couples who never have to think about it. They learn to look at each other more. They check in more often. They clarify instead of assuming. They become more deliberate about connection.
Hearing loss forces us to slow down — and slowing down can deepen love.
Practical Ways to Love Someone with Hearing Loss
In honor of February, here are some simple but powerful ways to show love when hearing loss is part of the relationship:
- Get our attention before you speak.
For people with hearing loss, listening is not something we do in the background; it is the task! A gentle touch on our arm or saying our name before speaking gives us a chance to focus and can help eliminate the catch-up of coming in mid-sentence.
- Face us and keep your lips uncovered.
Visual cues are essential for speechreading. Eye contact and facial expressions help communicate the emotion of what you are saying.
- Rephrase instead of just repeating.
If something isn’t understood, try saying it a different way rather than simply repeating the same words in a louder voice. Mentioning the first letter or spelling a particularly challenging word can also help.
- Choose a conducive environment.
Background noise can be a big barrier to understanding. Quieter restaurants and well-lit spaces reduce strain for everyone, hearing loss or not.
- Use technology as a tool, not a stigma.
Captioning, hearing aids, assistive devices — these are bridges to connection, not symbols of weakness. Ask how you can help make the technology work more effectively.
- Keep your sense of humor.
Misheard phrases can become the stuff of family legend. Plus, laughter diffuses tension and reminds everyone that they are on the same team.
- Protect your hearing.
Wear hearing protection at concerts, on planes, and in other loud places. Valuing your hearing shows respect for those who struggle with their own.
- Learn more about the hearing loss experience.
Educate yourself by reading books and articles or listening to podcasts. One couple I know reads a chapter of “Hear & Beyond: Live Skillfully with Hearing Loss” together each morning at breakfast. The more people know, the more seamless support they can provide.
Show Love this February…and Beyond
Sometimes the best way to show love isn’t through grand gestures, but through the small moments of everyday life. Daily habits that enhance communication can help sustain love long after Valentine’s Day.
Shari Eberts is a passionate hearing health advocate and internationally recognized author and speaker on hearing loss issues. She is the founder of Living with Hearing Loss, a popular blog and online community for people with hearing loss, and an executive producer of We Hear You, an award-winning documentary about the hearing loss experience. Her book, Hear & Beyond: Live Skillfully with Hearing Loss, (co-authored with Gael Hannan) is the ultimate survival guide to living well with hearing loss. Shari has an adult-onset genetic hearing loss and hopes that by sharing her story, she will help others to live more peacefully with their own hearing issues. Connect with Shari: Blog, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter.
