“Would you mind speaking up, I’ve got hearing loss.”
When you say this to a stranger, a barista in a coffee bar, for example, there’s a list of standard replies you can expect. (“Wow, that sucks” is not a standard or acceptable answer.)
“Pardon? Yuk-yuk.” Oh, gosh, I’ve never heard that before, thanks for sharing. 99% of the time, this snappy response is meant as a joke, a poor attempt to create a connection with the customer. But we hard of hearing people no longer find it funny – ever since the first time we heard it. But because most of us are polite, we give a weak smile. Faking a laugh is asking too much from us.
But there’s a second scenario: the poor coffee-maker may have said pardon because he or she actually didn’t hear you! And that conversation can get messy.
Could you speak up, I’m hard of hearing.
Pardon?
Very funny.
Excuse me?
I’ve got hearing loss and you said pardon.
Because I didn’t hear what you said.
What?
I said…because I didn’t hear what you said!!
Now I forget. But a skinny latte to go, please.
“Oh, sorry.” They’re not really sorry; it’s just a verbal segue into repeating what they said the first time. While we’re waiting for the repeat, we throw out a “oh, don’t be” or a little wave of the hand which means can you just speak up so that I can get my coffee and leave?
“No problem.” They truly don’t mind speaking up, but I find this a poor choice of words. I bite my tongue to not say: “Well, maybe not for YOU, my friend, but hearing loss is one a heck of a problem for ME!”
“Oh, hey, sorry, I’ll be happy to speak louder, I’m used to doing it for my grandpa.” Sometimes they do understand the challenges. But with this response to a woman ‘of a certain age’, the young person might just as well have bellowed, “OK, people, I’ve got a senior here who’s gonna be walking around with hot coffee, so can somebody give up your seat, please. Or just get out of her way, because she can’t hear!” Another weak smile as I wonder if the kid’s grandpa goes to a senior’s center for free, weak coffee rather than to his grandson’s Starbucks for a costly Americano.
Then sometimes you admit your hearing loss and you get this: “Y’know, (pointing to their ears), I’ve got a little of that myself.” Bingo! So, what do you say next? There are options:
“That sucks.”
“I’m not surprised, working in a noisy place like this.”
“Welcome to the club. So how about that coffee?”
OR…
“Have you seen anyone about it? It wouldn’t hurt to get your hearing tested. Even if there’s no hearing loss (yet), it’s always good to have a baseline audiogram so you can keep an eye (yuk-yuk) on your hearing. In the meantime, maybe you should try wearing hearing protection in noisy places (such as this).
Say, how about repeating what you said about the coffee?”
To those I know I say “I can’t hear you, I’m deafer than a post”. Or It too damn noisy to hear you. After 50 years in audiology it comes easily. At 79 years and 10 years of bad hearing I avoid certain situations.
Dick Riess
I totally agree and after you have told someone that you have a hearing loss and they seem to think that is your okay for them to play “Twenty Questions” with you, so instead of asking them to repeat themselves, I usually just say yes to them and hope for the best, but it still annoys me being taken so lightly. I also try to avoid certain situations because it just isn’t worth it some days.
I’ve worn hearing aids for over 5 years and members of my family still think I don’t have hearing loss.
I can relate to all this, because I have the same problem. I have no problem turning (or squatting down) to let the person see my lips, or getting closer so maybe they can hear what I’ve said. It’s a pain in the neck when people get irritated over the fact that you can’t hear them, and start yelling. Start listening and face the person. Ignorance is a poor excuse.
I have heard all these responses. The one I hate the most is a sad “I’m sorry.”
Another response I get is “Oh, do you know sign language?” To which I have several replies: no, do you? Or sometimes I will just smile and start signing my order. 😉
I’m a lifelong hearing aid user and am in my 40s now.
I find the 20 questions annoying sometimes but always remember that it’ll hopefully make life a touch easier for their next encounter with an individual with a hearing loss.
My peeve is the whole risk assessment they do – were you born that way or what?
One dolt suggested that I apply for a handicapped parking sticker so things will get easier for me.
Sorry is the worst I can hear.. I can hear.. I depend on who talking and the environment. No one give a chance to let me say….” Oh its OK “i am sorry you deaf… then start talking about their problems.. From arthritis to pacemakers.
I also hate it when a person turns the TV up. I wear a cochlear. I have worn hearing aides. Turning the TV up is annoying. When I first started wearing the cochlear…everyone sound like Donald Duck and Mikey Mouse. Hearing is much more natural to me now… Still I don’t like anyone trying to whisper to me where I cannot see their face.
I have worn hearing aids for many years but I out lived my latest pair. I can’t afford to replace them so I am attempting to follow conversations without hearing aids. When I tell someone I am hearing impaired and need them to look at me when they speak it looks like they feel uncomfortable. I try to explain it helps me sometimes to see their lips move. I still can’t always make out what they say and sometimes I give up trying. My worse thing for me is when I can’t hear them I devalue myself by say “sorry I didn’t hear you because I am hearing impaired”. Don’t know why I think I should apologize.