What’s In Our Hearing Loss Stars?

Gael Hannan
August 14, 2023

Do you read your horoscope? I like to peek at mine now and again, because not only am I not psychic, sometimes I have trouble knowing what’s going on now, thanks to my hearing loss, which wipes out some of the clues.

Sometimes my daily horoscope is a bullseye and other times it’s so far off I wonder if my parents got my birthdate wrong.

Take today’s (un)helpful tidbit: You will enjoy a harmonious atmosphere made possible by the celestial dance of Uranus and Pluto.

Despite my lack of clairvoyance, I figure I can write horoscopes just as well as any ol’ Madame Zucchini, Diviner of the Stars. So with all due respect to astrology believers, here are tomorrow’s horoscopes for people with hearing loss.

Aries, March 21-April 19: You are usually a leader, ahead of the curve – yet you’re way overdue for your annual hearing checkup!  Quit being naive, Aries; your stars are lining up to say that your hearing has not improved, and if you don’t get that hearing aid cleaned soon, it will dissolve and become one with your earwax.

Taurus, April 20-May 20: Although you like to socialize, people can find you aloof and boring. Stop trying to hide the real issue –  you have hearing loss. Your fear and frustrations are normal, but don’t be Bull-ish: open up about your hearing challenges, and you’ll find that people want to communicate with you – just let them know what you need (repeat when necessary).

Gemini, May 21- June 19:  Stop talking! Geminis have earned their zodiac reputation of being incessant talkers, typical of many people with hearing loss. But if you stop talking, you’ll have to listen – and understanding what’s being said is often tough for you. But quit sucking all the air out of the room and open up a dialogue.

Cancer, June 21 – July 22: Love and romance mean everything to you and hearing loss has certainly caused problems in that department. You’ve had to trade candlelit ambiance for the bright lights of easier speechreading. Quit feeling sorry for yourself; you are loved for who you are, not how well you understand whispering in your ear, so no more faking, please.

Leo, July 23-August 22: Ah, Leo, the charismatic leader, is your pride getting in the way again? So what if others can see your hearing aid. You’re the trendsetter – you’re wearing the most amazing electronic wizardry that ever-entered human ears! There’s no shame in having hearing loss – only in trying to hide it. Lead the way, Leo!

Virgo, August 23 – September 22: Your goal in life is ‘to do the right thing’, so is hiding your hearing loss the right thing for your career? Shine your own work-light: ask for hearing access and communicate like a pro at the office.

Libra, September 23 – October 22:   Libra, you expect a lot from life – and your hearing technology! First you weren’t happy with the hearing aids and now it’s the cochlear implant thing. Time to give your (electronic) head a shake with some new and positive attitudes about your communication.

Scorpio, Oct 23 – Nov 21: You are powerful and possess the need to triumph – even if it means masking your true feelings. You seem to say ‘no’ when you mean ‘yes’ – face it, Scorpion, you’re a hearing loss bluffer! Here’s the stinger: people can see through it. If you can learn how to bluff less, that’s a triumph worth clicking your claws about!

Sagittarius, Nov 22 – Dec 21: When you set your sights on something, you go out and get it.  Sometimes you drive other people a bit crazy, but you don’t let your severe hearing loss get in the way of the good life. You’re at the top of the communication game, but one of your burnouts is coming on. Hearing loss soaks up a lot of energy, so rest your eyes and mind and spirit at the end of a long day of hearing challenges.

Capricorn, Dec 22 – Jan 19: You’re the original mountain climber, always striving to go higher. But are you too focused on being the world’s most-knowledgeable, best-coping, most-damn-articulate person about hearing loss? You’ve already got their admiration, so give your family and friends a break  and talk about something else besides your issue. (You can still remind them to speak up.)

Aquarius, Jan 20 – Feb 18: Aquarians are renowned for marching to a different drummer. This actually may be tinnitus. Noise in the head can be crazy making, so reach out for help – to your audiologist andto other people with this same condition. Join a hearing loss consumer association and share the drum music.

Pisces, Feb 19-March 20: With your fishes pulling you in opposite directions, you’re living in a fantasy world. Stop waiting for that cure that’s just around the corner; invest in hearing technology that will give you a better quality of life, now. Life is to be lived and if you have already known the beauty of sounds, don’t store them in a memory box. Go for it, it’s in the stars.

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